Cyrex

cyrex@whoever.com — Tue, 03 Jul 2001 14:58:50 GMT

Lisa is right.
I need to heal ...in a much less vocal way.
It's time for me to step up and pull my shit together.
To let go and stop hurting both of us.
This is a friendship I don't want to lose.

We will find eachother when we are ready.

Be good.
I love you.

cyrex@whoever.com — Mon, 02 Jul 2001 21:15:51 GMT

God damn I'm trying.

Joey, do you like films about.... gladiators?

cyrex@whoever.com — Mon, 02 Jul 2001 10:59:54 GMT

Sorry for being hurt and taking it out on you.
I haven't been a friend lately.

Smile your wonderful smile.
Laugh your contagious laugh.
Keep amazing everyone around you.

And when you want a friend who loves you,
I'll be right there.

cyrex@whoever.com — Mon, 02 Jul 2001 09:45:59 GMT

oh man, my sleeping schedule is way out of whack.

HA HAAAA!!!

cyrex@whoever.com — Sun, 01 Jul 2001 07:17:10 GMT

It's about 3:20AM and I'm pretty sure I'm the Omega man of LJ. The last person left on earth. Or awake as the case may be.

I'm gonna soak all of your hands in warm water.

muha hahaha muhahahahahaha

cyrex@whoever.com — Sun, 01 Jul 2001 06:05:30 GMT

... I know you do Lis. And I know you always have.

I love you too.
Just give me time.
Thanks.

cyrex@whoever.com — Sun, 01 Jul 2001 04:26:53 GMT

I fell in love with someone I shouldn't have.
I know I'm supposed to be happy for the memories, but I'd trade them all in if I could just to go back to us being friends and a simple kiss on a Sunday afternoon.

I fucked up.

Now I'm fucking this up too.

cyrex@whoever.com — Sat, 30 Jun 2001 23:45:39 GMT

I want to say something
but the best thing to do is say nothing.

Bite down hard until love fades away.

I know it will be ok.
It just hurts a lot
and I'm feeling lonely.

cyrex@whoever.com — Sat, 30 Jun 2001 12:56:25 GMT

better...

I think I just needed some sleep.

Wouldn't a shiney new dvd player make me feel even better!?
Well Rex, if your asking me... I think it's a splendid idea! Ooh.. and don't forget to pick up some movies too. Course, the electronics place is right across from the bookstore too. hmmm.....

Ever feel like you HATE being you?

cyrex@whoever.com — Sat, 30 Jun 2001 06:20:42 GMT

@%&Y+_&+!*&!!^#%!%!^@(#$*+&Y*

Lemme just say this fucking sucks ass!

There should be some sort of biological block that prevents one person from falling in love more than the other.

My mid-year resolution is to be less stupid and less trusting. I know I shouldn't nag here because it's not fair. But then again... what is?

I don't think I'm handling this too well tonight.
Blah.

cyrex@whoever.com — Sat, 30 Jun 2001 03:47:12 GMT

Her skin still feels good in my hands.
And I can feel this gravitational pull when we're in the same room.

What she says makes sense to my head,
But my heart is so stubborn.

I miss her.

cyrex@whoever.com — Wed, 27 Jun 2001 09:01:54 GMT

mmmm... 5am.

j0y.

what a week.

I have to say.. this doesn't seem real.
I remember once I got splashed in the face by an over boiling car radiator. When it hit, it felt cold and I didn't realized I was actually burned until I saw the red blisters in the mirror.

This feels about the same.

FUCK YOU.

cyrex@whoever.com — Wed, 27 Jun 2001 04:36:51 GMT

Fuck you.
To everyone that came before me.
For taking something away from her and
making tomorrow impossible.

Fuck you.
To everyone that will come after me.
For taking 'this' away and
making me into just a memory.

And fuck me.
For believing that I was something special.
Something more than just a link in a chain.

Think I'll go get drunk now.

cyrex@whoever.com — Thu, 21 Jun 2001 11:37:26 GMT

Blah.

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8......9!!

cyrex@whoever.com — Thu, 21 Jun 2001 04:10:06 GMT

mmmm pool. Beat Tim (aka the rabbit) tonight 5 straight sets! Thats gotta leave an ego dent but I'm happy to have my game back. Had a really nice bike ride through the park and dinner then went back for more practice. All in all... about 6 hours of pool tonight. Not too shabby.

I would have given up tonight for a serenade of Barry White. Soon.....

xox.

No.... seriously.

cyrex@whoever.com — Wed, 20 Jun 2001 16:28:15 GMT

What do you think:

LiveJournal.
A community of open minded thinkers. Sharing experiences and bouncing thoughts off one another in an effort to maybe enrich our lives or someone elses.

Or...

A soapbox for dysfunctionals to shout out to anyone who happens to stumble upon their words?

A little of both perhaps?

cyrex@whoever.com — Wed, 20 Jun 2001 02:33:35 GMT

Friday started with a weather forecast calling for a gray and dismal weekend. And I was ready for it. Well... as best I could be that is.

But we talked.. and held eachother and talked some more. Confessed things and reassured feelings that we've known all along:
Love is good. Pain is bad.
Not just to love someone else, but to love yourself. And to have the strength to say 'I am not perfect and I need you'.
So, it starts.. good or bad... it's honest. And thats a true sign of real love.

In the end.. Love is stronger than fear and you can only move forward with hope.
Win, lose, or draw... we will never be the same. But isn't that the point?

It's always just a chance but I have a feeling this just may work.

I see a big road ahead of us with lots of adventures crossing our path. And I'm lucky to have this girl walking along side of me. So lucky. So very lucky. (shuttt up Clarice...)

cyrex@whoever.com — Mon, 18 Jun 2001 15:21:37 GMT

Don't worry momma.... it won't get weird.

I love you.

Happy Fathers day.

cyrex@whoever.com — Sun, 17 Jun 2001 18:01:26 GMT

911.. please!

cyrex@whoever.com — Fri, 15 Jun 2001 01:32:40 GMT

While it may seem safe...

Playing darts barefoot was not the best idea of the day.

I have to go now.

TGI freeeking Friday.... almost!

cyrex@whoever.com — Fri, 15 Jun 2001 01:02:43 GMT

23 hours and I'll be on a bus.
A horrible bus ride that I kind of miss.

And it's not the journey.. it's the destination.

So bring on the carni folk you bastards cuz I've got me a date with an angel who needs her doors locked.
Hail to the king baby.

Gonna be a good weekend. No matter what.

cyrex@whoever.com — Wed, 13 Jun 2001 20:33:13 GMT

OK. Now I'm freaking out.

cyrex@whoever.com — Wed, 13 Jun 2001 08:22:10 GMT

My heart's a raving whirl of tide;
My heart's a raging house on fire.
And Oh, I'm foolish to try and hide;
This passion for my heart's desire.

Take the chance, hold my hand and walk with me.
I think your amazing. It's you that I want to
share this with. You.

Rip Van Winkle ain't here.

cyrex@whoever.com — Wed, 13 Jun 2001 05:46:12 GMT

Ugh. I wish I could sleep like normal people.
Is this what other insomniacs think about?:

Why is it that around 10pm I just wake up? It's been this way since I was a cub. I could go out and play pool right this second or see a movie or go for a run. I know I'm supposed to be knee deep into some dream about now but it just ain't happening.

A little bit is because I'm missing Lisa. Sucks that I can't be there to get on with this life I want with her. I'm impatient. But she reminds me all the time just how lucky I am.

Then of course the usual stuff: Bills. Work. Family.
It's not all stress though, I'm also excited about a lot of new things in my life. New directions I'm headed in and upcoming changes. Lots of work ahead and lots of good times too.

Plus, I've been exercising like a mad dog lately. Maybe the extra boost of adrenaline is keeping me awake more so than normal. It's really a good thing I don't have a pool table in my house or I'd never get any sleep. No, really. Ever.

Hmm... maybe I should start some sort of nocturnal hobbie. Night photography or start drawing again. Wonder if I should just stay awake all night and then tomorrow night I'll be able to sleep. Which is actually a stupid theory because I know for a fact I'll be wide awake again, same bat time.... same bat channel.

I'd rearrange my room right now but I think The Chad (roommate) would wake up and go Jackie Chan on me. He is a 'normal'... goes to sleep at like 10pm! Freak.

Anyway, as you can see it's more of a long rant than a specific thought that occupies me at night.

Think I'll go fold my laundry and clean my pool sticks.

Summer has arrived by the pods!

cyrex@whoever.com — Wed, 13 Jun 2001 04:49:50 GMT

Summer is definitely here.
You can tell by the multiplying factor of bugs. Armies of ants and Air Forces flying things recovering from their winter hibernation.

I think I love the change of seasons here.

I am happy I moved.